Underdog in the Underworld - Essay

The following is an excerpt from a conversation between Underdog, the famous cartoon hero, and Jim Morrison, legendary leader of the Doors on the meaning of life.  That is, if the dead can still have any concept about the meaning of life.

MORRISON:  Hey man, you're, a dog.  That's cool.  I say a dog once floating among the clouds.  It was pissing down on some trees, like an acid rain, finding its way into the waiting open mouths of the children.  The children of the happy blind mice waiting below.

UNDERDOG:  Have no fear, Underdog is here.

MORRISON:  Wow!  You talk too!  Hey man, you ain't gonna tell me to kill anyone, like that fuckin Son of Sam shit, are you?   Tell me who are you now, and who were you before?  Could you capture your own soul if your hands are fast enough, and what are the colors that lace your mind when all the light has gone out of the world?  Oh, shit man.  I can't stop quoting myself.

You know....I knew an Indian once who talked with riddles for the mind.  He would draw them in the sands of the desert and let the sands blow them away.

UNDERDOG:  There's no need to fear; our immortality is clear.  With my secret energy pill, that I keep in my ring, my strength will be renewed and I can do my thing—save my sweet Polly Purebred!

MORRISON:  Pills.  Yeah, I know all about pills.  Leapers, Co-pilots, Blue Angels, Yellow Jackets.

Who is the mad-man to give out pills of eternal life, and who is more mad the giver of the gift or the fool who receives it.

UNDERDOG:  Mad!  I'm not mad.  I'm not even a dog.  Look my name's Wally Cox, Mr. Peepers—You know?  This robber came into my house one night and murdered me.  The bastard split my skull open with my own nine iron.  God, I loved being a comedian.  I was good at it too, you know. People, they don't care, all they remember me as is Underdog.  Uh, say can you help me out of this costume?

MORRISON:  What do you see life as?  I see it as a tree.

UNDERDOG:  Yeah, well I see life as a tree, to.  But, that's only because I'm trapped in a beagle costume.

MORRISON:  A tree, the king of all creatures.  Watch it bend with the strong quests of wind, yet you can watch it rise up straight and strong to dominate in the peaceful climate.

UNDERDOG:  Damn zipper's stuck.  Say could you--?

MORRISON:  What would you have me say.  Do you think life is the Suto-Metaphorical Sustenance of Creation.  NO!  Rather it is guts and internal organs mixed together with bowel movements, and set on fire to reach a white hot intensity.  So as to create Pain, Remorse, and a constant yearning to be FREE.

UNDERDOG:  I hate this place.

MORRISON:  Yeah....me too.

As our light fades into blackness, the mellow sounds of Metallica fill the air.