CONSPIRACY THEORY – Essay

     My dear friends, I hope this letter finds you well and in good financial standing.  For it's not the commoner, whom I wish to speak.  As you are no doubt well aware, a plague has infected our Colleges and Universities,  Our once proud, private Universities are being infested with undesirables I am certain that, like myself, this infestation goads and appalls you to no end.  The thought of inferiors rapping our gifts.  Fear not, my compatriots, I believe I have come upon the solution to our problems.

     First, let me bring you some good news, and confirm what many of you have already suspected.  There has been a decline in the amount of Finical Aid awarded in recent years.  This bright ray of hope has occurred on both the Federal and State levels.  It is do largely impart to the efforts of our Republican brothers.  This drop in charity has imposed a great impact to the numbers of our enemy.  Most notable to the minority and lower middle class waifs, who will no longer be granted hand outs.

     Although, this is good news, it has failed to completely eradicate our problem  There are still large numbers of upper and middle class upstarts taking liberty on what is not there's.  This must no longer be allowed.  We have not spent the last several years successfully shrinking the middle class only to have these last remaining unrefined surfs the chance at a future.  Simply because their questionable parentage desires they have a college education.

     What I propose is to break their spirit.  Let us not concentrate our efforts on their lineage, but let us squelch the desire to learn in these barbaric youngsters.  If they were to give up, then our Universities and Colleges go back to there pure state.  This I believe can be easily done.  Since we have already a large claim to the finical support base in most University and College bureaucracies, it should pose little problem to tighten our grip on them.  We need only to show our determination and these Universities and Colleges, who depend heavily on our money should fall in line.

     Once we throw our financial weight around to gain support for our plan, the rest is easy.  All we need do is load down the educational system with an incessant amount of rules and regulations that will frustrate the simple minds of these lesser men and women.  By making it a necessity for them to fill out needless forms and track down needless archival data they should voluntarily resign themselves from our world.  We will institute new mandatory orientations, while cutting costs.  These can easily be explained by sighting them as mandatory cutbacks.  Necessities for the future of the institution.  We will endeavor to slow the bureaucracy down and complicate it so that it becomes a standstill.  We will of course leave our own children the same easy ride they have always had.  This will undoubtedly cause a kind of mass hysteria with the bastard children, causing them to leave their schools in search of an easier life.  Thus we will get what is rightfully ours back.

     Of course, there will be trouble with the weak liberal teachers, but I dare say they shall be easily dealt with.  Most of them are products of the sixties and would like to believe that they still hold the values they acquired during that dreadful period.  This is not so.  With out even realizing it, they sold themselves out years ago.  It will be an interesting experiment to see how long they will last.  I dare say not long.  Once they see that they will be loosing that which they have gained over the years, their easy careers, the finical stability of their families.  They should fall in line with our program relatively soon.

     With all modesty and without boasting let me say my friends that this is a perfect plan.  We can get that which is rightly ours and not life a finger doing it.  Our Colleges and Universities will  simply be given back to us, and with the knowledge safely tucked away in our hands we can continue to rule the world indefinitely.