Reverend Jimmy – Essay

    “My friends let us not run away from the issue's of the day, but let us embrace them.  We should not find disenchantment within ourselves.  We need only to strive for enlightenment.  Take a moment with me now, to look into your heart”.

     I turned the channel as soon as I saw what Liz was watching.  The Reverend Jimmy Holiday, what a joke.  The church of enlightened reason, God help us all.  Sam Kinison was right we do have God's SPECIAL EDUCATION TEAM here in America.

     “Hey, I was watching that”.

     What in the worlds wrong with that girl.  I don't know what her problem is, but if she thinks I'm gonna sit around and listen to the Reverend Jimmy, she's sadly mistaken.  She's not that good a piece of ass.

      “I offer you hope.  By joining my ministry I can bring you the piece of mind you so richly deserve.  We are the Lambs of God.  Let me shepherd you into a new life of peace and tranquility.  Call today and order my new book “The Blessings of the Savior” or perhaps you might like a transcript of this broadcast.  Yes, we have them available to you as well.  Order them both, it is after all the word of God”.

     Jesus man, just look at him standing there on that pulpit with a neon cross of all things behind him.  All he's doing is begging for money.  Christ, can't these people tell anything.  He's wearing an Armani suit for God's sake.  Hello, he's driving a Caddie!  Do you drive a Caddie Liz?  I don't think so. Why are you watching this?

     “You know my mom used to swear by this guy”.

     “Is that right”.

     Get to the point Liz, what's going on here.  Why are you doing this.  Are you trying to torture me.  Cause you're doing a good job if you are.

     “Listen to what he's saying, can you hear him”?

     “God has confided in me, that there is a woman in our audience today, who is suffering.  Lord show me to this woman.  Help me our here audience, show me our suffering sister.  Let me heal her pain”.

     The only person in pain here is me, asshole.

     “Who is this woman, bring her down to me.  I can help you.  The Lord has granted me the power to heal you.  Come to me child, let me lay my hands on you and ease your pain”.

     “There's so much pain in the world, isn't there”.

     “What the fuck are you talking about”.

     “Like the poor people who took their own lives.  You know the bible thing in Los Angeles”.

     “It was a cult, and in San Diego.  So what”.

     “Don't you think that's sad”?

     Sad, the only thing sad here is me, for staying.

     “No, they wanted to do it.  They had to catch their space ship.  Besides, maybe there up in space now laughing at us”.

      “You're not funny”.

      “That's what it was all about, don't you read the papers or watch anything else on TV”?

      “The reverend is only trying to help”.

     “Linda do you believe God has granted me the power to heal you.  Of course you do.  Don't be afraid, I'm going to lay”

     Small pause for dramatic affect, or to give Rise to the sexual innuendo.

     “my hands on you now.  Your pain is in your heart.  You have a weak heart, Linda.  That's all going to change soon.  Let me and God feel your chest Linda.  You may feel a small shock”.

     More like revulsion, ay Linda.  Christ, I can't believe he's doing it.  He's feeling her up on television.  This just might be a better show than I thought.

     “Do you see how the reverend is helping her”?

     “Yeah, and his self too, I bet”.